My Favorite Albums of 2014

So I wrote the majority of this in January/February, then forgot to ever finish it. But here it is, now mid-May, and I've remembered to finally finish this damn blog post. So without further ado, here is my take on the music that came out of 2014:

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It's that time of year again--the middle of February when I finally get around to writing up and blogging about my favorite albums from the previous year. 

Let's face the facts here. 2014 was a mostly terrible year for music. It was kind of a let-down of a year after 2013. So many of my newly all-time favorite albums came out in 2013 (see: Days Are Gone by HAIM, Pure Heroine by Lorde, and of course YEEZUS by 'Ye), that 2014 had a lot to live up to. Most of it did not.

There was one minor, but great, exception: and that was the great, long-anticipated (at least by me) return of Paolo Nutini. 2014 had that. 2013 did not. 2014 at least has that over 2013.

The one good piece of news is, 2015 is shaping up to be a great year for music. With new albums coming from Marina and the Diamonds, Florence + the Machine, and Sufjan Stevens (who are arguably 3 of my favorite artists, ever), I have very, very high hopes for this coming year.

So here's the last cheers to the not-so-good year last year, and here it is, the best albums of 2014 according to me:

Caustic Love, Paolo Nutini

For anyone who knows me, you will know that Paolo Nutini is my great love. Half-Italian, half-Scottish, and fully beautiful, I fell in love with Paolo after discovering him near to the beginning of his career back in 2006/07. As talented as he is attractive, he immediately became one of my favorite current artists if not one of my favorite artists, ever. His first and second albums, These Streets and Sunny Side Up respectively, have some of my favorite songs like "Last Request" and "Coming Up Easy", not to mention his more popular tracks like "Jenny Don't Be Hasty" and "Candy." What makes Paolo truly incredible is that each of his albums has a truly different sound. These Streets is a cohesive, biographical collection of a young Nutini growing up and learning to find his way, and it's a wonderfully constructed pop album. Then in 2009 came Sunny Side Up, a highly-stylized and unique album that has songs ranging from the sounds of swing ("10/10"), to acoustic heart-wrenching melodies ("Candy"), to a sad and soulful jazz ballad ("No Other Way"). Sunny was almost like Paolo was trying to find who he was, which a lot of people didn't particularly care for the way the album didn't really have a distinct sound, but then--a whole FIVE, count 'em, FIVE years later--came Caustic Love. I was lying on my brother's couch in his apartment in New Jersey on a surprise visit home from California around Christmas of 2013 when, after months and months of silence on all of Paolo's social media, came the tweet that Caustic Love would be released in April of 2014. Needless to say, I screamed. Out loud. And I was not let down, not even in the slightest. Caustic Love has Paolo finding a sound, soulful and bluesy and sensual and straight funky, and everything I could have ever wanted for Paolo to have created. I don't even want to say much more than this, the fact that the album is so artfully constructed and gorgeous, because I truly believe it's one of those albums that needs to be heard. You can't be told how great it is, you must experience it. Now hopefully we just won't have to wait another 5 years to get a gem like this from Paolo again. 

(Oh yeah, and 2014 was also the year I finally got to MEET Paolo. So I'll just leave this picture riiiiiight here.)

Queen of the Clouds, Tove Lo

Where has this girl been in my life? This album is so good. SO good. I had compiled this list back when I first started writing this post a couple months ago, and I'm so glad I didn't post it until I found this album. I randomly stumbled upon “Talking Body” a few weeks ago and can't stop listening to it. I finally decided this week maybe I should check out the rest of the album, and I was not upset about that decision. I’m fairly certain that on some level Tove Lo and I are the same person. I find myself saying "Yes, this is true life" to a lot of what she's singing about. This album is pop perfection and catchy as anything, but the lyrics are also gold. My personal favorite moment from this album is actually the song “Moments.” She croons that she isn’t perfect. She may not be the prettiest girl, or the most put-together girl, but she has her moments: "I can get a little drunk, I get into all the don’ts/But on good days I am charming as fuck”. Tove writes songs about what it’s genuinely like to be girl in her 20s. And she may just be my spirit animal.

Ultraviolence, Lana del Rey

Lana. Lana, Lana, Lana. Oh how I love you, Lana. Do I love Ultraviolence as much as I love (specifically the Paradise Edition of) Born to Die? No, probably not. But do I love Ultraviolence? Yes, I do. Lana creates music that is melancholy and brutally sincere, and she gives zero fucks while doing it. She says what she wants and doesn't care what people think of her. She's rock and roll in a day and age that has gone soft (see: Bruno Mars, that stupid "Why You Gotta Be So Rude" song, basically anything on the radio anymore). She's queen. She's one of the few artists that can continually give me goose bumps with her voice alone. Ultraviolence is no exception. It's crushed dreams. It's crushed hearts. It's bluesy and dark and it makes me want to make bad decisions.

Yes!, Jason Mraz and Raining Jane

You might think this is an obligatory inclusion of Jason on here, since I love him and I've loved him forever and I'm just including him because he's one of my all-time favorite artists. You would be wrong. Honestly, I'm mostly including this album on here because of Jason's collaboration with Raining Jane, a wonderful amazing beautiful group of talented women. One of the members, Mona Tavakoli, has been on tour with Jason in the past as his percussionist extraordinaire, so I'd known of her and seen her live plenty of times before getting a chance to experience Raining Jane live themselves. And holy cow they're incredible. They're also super cool and loved my Ryan Gosling shirt that I wore when I saw J+RJ in California last March. This collaboration, many years in the making since Jason first met Raining Jane at a college show, is such a wonderful meld of the sounds and voices and lyrics that the group of them creates together. It's a feel good album with mellow melodies, simply sweet to listen to and I highly recommend it.

1989, Taylor Swift

Hey, remember that time I hated Taylor Swift? Neither do I, barely, but it was just all of 6 months ago. I didn't get her. I didn't like her cutesiness. Her constant rotation of guys she dated, then broke up with, then wrong songs about like a crazy person. Her, what I thought was, insincerity. BUT THEN--slowly, over the last few months, I started to like Taylor Swift. I realized she wasn't insincere, yet was just as crazy and eccentric as someone, well, someone like me. Taylor Swift and I actually have a lot in common. Our love and obsession for our cats. The way that we don't care when people call us out on being crazy because, let's face it, we are. Our taste in music/people, like the fact that her best friends are Selena Gomez and Lorde and the sisters of HAIM and Jamie King. And, sadly, our taste in men (she's dated John Mayer, Harry Styles, Jake Gyllenhaal... the list goes on, and I don't find a flaw on it anywhere, really). After I slowly started to make these realizations, 1989 was released. I held off on listening to "Shake It Off" as long as I possibly could because I knew that just like "Trouble" it would be a song that I would hate to love, then like to love, then full on love to love. And it only started there. 1989 is such a good, no, great pop album. There isn't a song on there that I DON'T like. So damn you Taylor Swift, you've got me. I'm a fan now. I even follow you on Instagram. We're in it for the long haul now, TayTay.

Sheezus, Lily Allen

When I found out Lily Allen was releasing a new album for the first time in 5 years, I was pretty excited. When I found out Lily Allen was naming said album Sheezus, I lost my mind. Lily is crazy in the best way possible and what I like about her most is she calls people out on their shit in both real life and in her songs (see: Not Fair, 22, and my personal favorite Fuck You). This album is a parody of so much of what's wrong with this world, down to the album title (which, by the way, Kanye approves of). Sheezus is all about how shitty it can be for a girl in this world, but fuck it we're going to have fun anyway. It keeps it real and also has a lot to say about female empowerment and how it sucks for us all so let's just all be friends okay? It's a fun album and sassy as hell. And that's why I'll always love Lily Allen.

Angus and Julia Stone, Angus and Julia Stone

My discovery of A+J is sort of a weird story. I found them by way of Starbucks and those free iTunes song download cards that they give out. The song, "Mango Tree", quickly became one of my most-played songs. It's soft and sweet and I fell in love with the brother-sister duo on the spot, their voices working perfectly together in their folky way. What really sealed the deal for me on them, though, was their amazing cover of "You're The One That I Want"--yes, that one, the one from Grease. If you have a chance, check it out. But back to the album at hand... This self-titled album of theirs comes after the announcement that they were taking a break, possibly permanently, to work on solo albums. Kind of devastating. But by the magical powers of Rick Rubin, record producer extraordinaire, they were reunited and here they are, back and better than ever. This is the first time the pair has written songs together, and it just... works. It works better than anything I could put into words. It's like after taking that time apart, they found themselves, then found each other, then found their sound, then found this album. And that's why Angus and Julia Stone has made my list this year. Because this album is the pivotal point in their careers where they've created the music they've probably been waiting their whole lives to create--perfection.

 Goddess, Banks

I first heard of Banks, I think, while watching the 2013 Victoria's Secret fashion show. If you don't know me, then you don't know that I'm obsessed with Victoria's Secret. A large portion of my money goes to buying pretty much anything VS creates, and I've always wanted to be an Angel. Their 2013 Christmas commercial was shot in Paris and Banks's song "Waiting Game" was the soundtrack for the shoot. Needless to say, the song was perfect for the commercial and I couldn't get it out of my head for weeks after. When Goddess was released in full, it didn't quite leave the impact that "Waiting Game" did but it's still a very solid album. The main reason I'm including this album on my list is because Banks has a voice unlike a lot of what's in the music world today. It's so purely good. And the best part of this album, is most of the music itself is subdued allowing her voice to come through and really be the focal point of her tracks. I look forward to seeing where Banks goes in the future, and I think that Goddess lays the groundwork for a great artist yet to come.

Leaving California.

Well my friends, nearly a year after my last post on this blog I am back to make another post updating you about my life.

I’m moving back to Jersey for the summer of 2014.

“Why???” you might ask. Well there’s a lot of reasons. But these are not them.

The Things I Will Miss About California:

1) My baby apartment.

For those of you who have had the pleasure of stepping foot into my baby apartment and sleeping on an air mattress on the floor, then you know it’s got its charms and quirks about it. IT MAY BE SMALL, BUT IT BE MIGHTY aka it had walls and a roof and a kitchen and a bathroom and enough room for a bed so that was good enough for me.

THINGS I WILL NOT MISS ABOUT MY BABY APARTMENT:

Low ceilings, close proximity to a college aka loud drunken frat boys 5/7 nights a week, close proximity to a fire station aka sirens all the time, unbelievably sensitive fire alarm that goes off when my oven is preheating forcing me to run back and forth multiple times to stop the loud and obnoxious beeping, roommates (aka ants, spiders, fruit flies, occasional mice, etc)

2) The weather.

Fairly certain that there was ne’er a day the temperature went below 50 degrees during the day. And holy shit that is a modern marvel for a girl who grew up in the northeast. AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW IT’S POSSIBLE THAT THERE ARE PLACES THAT HAVE LESS THAN 100% HUMIDITY IN THE SUMMER TIME? Cool breezes on hot days are the greatest thing. Suck on that, Jersey.

THINGS I WILL NOT MISS ABOUT THE WEATHER:

Nothing. Well ok actually I miss rain and thunderstorms so I guess I won’t miss NOT having rain and thunderstorms. And earthquakes. PEACE OUT MOTHERFUCKERS I DON’T NEED THE GROUND SHAKING FOR NO REASON OK.

3) The people I have met.

My friends from Disney who have allowed me to be crazy me and still want to be my friends (???? you are all weirdos why do you accept me I am a crazy person). You have made being homesick and not knowing a single thing about California before coming here a lot easier. If you ever need a place to crash in Jersey, or wherever I end up next, srsly send me a text. I got you.

THINGS I WILL NOT MISS ABOUT THE PEOPLE I HAVE MET:

My neighbor loudly having sex at 3 am. Nope. Won’t miss that a single bit.

4) The food.

Actual Mexican food is amazing???? And In n Out is amazing?????? AND THEY PUT SANDWICHES ON WAFFLES HERE (Bruxie) AND IT’S ONLY 3 BLOCKS AWAY FROM MY APARTMENT AND WHOEVER THOUGHT TO DO THAT IS AMAZING (except why so close to my apartment pls I want a banana chocolate milkshake and waffle fries every single day damn you)???????

THINGS I WILL NOT MISS ABOUT THE FOOD:

LACK OF DECENT PIZZA. LACK OF DECENT ITALIAN FOOD PERIOD. LACK OF DECENT BAGELS (#bagelsunday). LACK OF MOES. LACK OF WAWA/QUICK CHEK. LACK OF MOSTLY EVERYTHING GOOD (food) IN LIFE.

There are probably other things. Actually, I’m sure there are other things. But for now, I’m just going to try to focus on the positives of moving back to New Jersey aka sitting in my bed watching HGTV and Food Network and ABC Family and TLC (because my parents actually have cable television!!!) while eating greasy cheesy pizza and cuddling with Jackson. And what’s not to love about that?

PS Still haven't met Seth Cohen so p sure something is wrong???????

10 Albums from 2013 that You Should Listen to Immediately

I love music a lot. I'd like to think I have a great taste in music. So I've decided for the first time to compile a list of what I consider to be the best albums of the year. Or at least, my favorite albums of 2013. 

And also a disclaimer: I'm extremely into the idea of actually paying for music because, weirdly enough, I like to support the people that create the things that I enjoy. But for those of you who aren't as into spending money on things that can be easily found on the internet, all of these albums are available for listening on Spotify.

Days Are Gone, HAIM

 I told myself I wasn't going to list these albums in a specific order (i.e. 1-10), but I can't resist disclosing that Days Are Gone by HAIM is my favorite album, and the best, of 2013. And this is saying a lot, because a LOT of great music came out this year, and I hadn't even heard this album until midway through December. But I have DEVOURED it. Listened to it on repeat for the last 2-3 weeks. Obsessed. So much so that I've decided my 2014 New Years resolution is to see HAIM live. Mostly this synopsis is a giant ramble and I really can't even coherently put into words how much I love HAIM, how catchy their songs are, how effortless they feel, and how cohesive the album is, so just listen to it already, ok? Ok.

Wolf's Law, The Joy Formidable

 If you know nothing about me, then you still probably would know that the Welsh band The Joy Formidable is my favorite band of recent past. They put on a heck of a live show (I would know, having seen them 5 times in the span of 13 months) and create music that should be more of what is on the radio today than what is actually on the radio today. Their first full-length album, The Big Roar, was exactly that--a loud burst of energy that summoned you to keep listening over and over and onto when Wolf's Law was released 2 years later. What is great about Wolf's Law, though, is the quiet moments that come along with the moments of power from Ritzy Bryan's voice, Rhydian Dafydd's bass, and Matt Thomas's drums, too--"Silent Treatment" and "Tendons" are 2 of my favorite tracks off the album. They are the perfect juxtaposition for the "Roar" in TJF, like "Maw Maw Song" and "Bats" on Wolf's Law. The album also rotates a lot around a breakup and dealing with it in your daily life, based specifically on the band's own Ritzy and Rhydian who split up and managed to stay together as a group and friends (thank God, for music lovers everywhere).

Yeezus, Kanye West

I've been a fan of Ye for a while, and Yeezus just further solidified that for me. I haven't had a rap album that I've been so passionately in love with to listen to over and over again since Tha Carter III, and Yeezus has done that. It's oh-so-very dark and will probably be Kanye's career lyrical masterwork for the rest of the time that he will be around. His albums have been up and down for me, but this one has staying power. Have you actually listened to the lyrics in "Black Skinhead" and "Blood on the Leaves"? It's some really powerful stuff. I don't personally care what your feelings are for Kanye West, who he is as a person or what he's done. If we all truly didn't listen to the music, watch the movies, or read the books that outspoken people we don't "like", do you even realize how much amazing media you would be missing out on? You're making a mistake if you don't listen to this album. It's severely well-crafted.

Lily & Madeleine, Lily & Madeleine

This is the debut full-length album of sisters Lily and Madeleine Jurkiewicz, who are SIXTEEN and EIGHTEEN FUCKING YEARS OLD and got a record deal after Mr. Christmas himself, the swoon-worthy Sufjan Stevens, discovered them on Reddit. If you're into self-loathing (because, really, what were you doing at sixteen and eighteen years old other than NOT being discovered by Sufjan Stevens?) and really good music, then you need to get these sisters' album. Their music is soft but soulful, unmatched by a lot of music out today. It's not everyday that the lyrics of teenagers can really get you, but these girls have done it with their self-titled debut.

Pure Heroine, Lorde

Adding another teenager to the list, recently-turned-seventeen year old Lorde has taken the world by storm with her top 40 hit "Royals." But it's not even "Royals" which is the real gold on her debut album. Have you checked out "Ribs", "Tennis Court", or my personal favorite, "Glory and Gore"? She writes about real-life experiences for teenagers, from being part of a clique to not having any money but not needing it to have any fun. It's a breath of fresh air from a society that places so much emphasis on money and status, and something about the melodies, beats, and words have really proven something about this Kiwi, self-described as from the wrong side of town.

The Bones of What You Believe, CHVRCHES

Do you like the 80s? Do you like synth pop? Do you like 80s synth pop? Then here's the 2013 album for you. Yet another debut album on this list comes from a Scottish band with a name that takes extra time to think about typing, CHVRCHES. Their fun pop sound is contrasted with vaguely sad, melodic lyrics and creates a sound that is not only catchy but fun in a slightly depressing way. And yet if you weren't listening to the words you could swear that it was some of the catchiest, most fun music you've heard in a while. I'm a sucker for some good lyrics, so take some time to listen to Lauren Mayberry sing some sweetly sad songs to you, bob your head along, and agree that, yeah, you've been there, too.

The Blessed Unrest, Sara Bareilles

Sara Bareilles is someone that sometimes I forget about, and then when I remember her I get really sad I ever forgot her. With previous songs like "Gravity", "Love Song", and "Fairytale", she's always been a favorite of mine, but never someone that I listened to regularly. This is where The Blessed Unrest has changed all of that for me. You've probably heard "Brave" and maybe even "I Choose You" off the album, which I've personally had on repeat for pretty much the entirety of the last week, but the song that really stuck out to me as the one to listen to is "Satellite Call". Bareilles has really created magic with this song. It's what Sara herself described as a love song for the lonely, and I think it's a song that a lot of people need in their lives. I think I've needed it myself, at multiple points in my life, and I'm glad that I have it along with the rest of the album in my life now. She has a very pretty voice with even prettier lyrics. So listen up to the girl with the not-so-little voice, because she's pretty amazing.

Bitter Rivals, Sleigh Bells

Sleigh Bells' first album, Treats, will forever be one of my favorites. So I was sad when Reign of Terror came out and didn't quite live up, as a whole, to the level of Treats. But then Bitter Rivals was released and re-instated my faith in Sleigh Bells as a two-person (now three, if you include their drummer) powerhouse with fun, sometimes non-sensical lyrics and strong beats and guitar. Songs "Sugarcane" and "To Hell With You" are standouts for me and really throw me back to "Kids" and "Crown on the Ground" from Treats.

(sidenote: The songs I'm posting as previews are my favorites off their respective albums, except for this one. For some reason, it's hard to find Sleigh Bells music on YouTube??? Either way, "To Hell With You" is my fave off Bitter Rivals so if this one hasn't grabbed you, give that one a listen on Spotify, too)

Music from Baz Lurhmann's The Great Gatsby

I didn't totally love Gatsby the movie. It was alright. I enjoyed it, but I'm not rushing out to buy the movie. HOWEVER, the music is really what made the film. So many nay-sayers were against a modernized soundtrack to a classic novel, but who the hell cares? This is who Baz is, and he really made it work. Also, how can I possibly hate an album that gave me my future wedding song? Lana 4eva <3

If You Leave, Daughter

The final album in my top 10 is the 4th debut album by an artist/group on this list. Big year for first-timers! This one's got all the emotions in it. The brilliance of the trio of Elena, Remi, and Igor comes from a dark place of broken hearts, and it's heavy. But it's beautiful, it's sincere, and it's just the sort of album your sadness needs to hear once in a while.

Also: The Honorable Mentions You Should Probably at Least Listen To

Bangerz, Miley Cyrus

You're kidding yourself if you haven't listened to this album yet. Twerking and Robin Thicke aside, good ol' Miley has created a really, really solid pop album. The songs are catchy, and they're full of innuendo (and slightly more in-your-face lyrics). Who doesn't love THAT? There, I've said it, I'm a fan of Miley Cyrus. But more than that, I think we can all put aside our differences and enjoy good music. There's been plenty of artists that you may not like who they are or what they've done but still make music that you can like and listen to and have fun dancing to. I can't stop and I won't stop loving this album.

OST from Spring Breakers

Mostly ironic because of my brother's and my love for the movie Spring Breakers. And because who doesn't love going wild for the night?

All That Echoes, Josh Groban

Because it is Josh Groban. That is all.

Neighborhood Conversations pt. 1.

(This conversation takes place between 2 idiots, standing outside of my bathroom window)

Idiot 1: Girls get this sentimental thing and it kicks in, I don't mean to be a pig or anything, but that's Dylan's thing.  He's got game and stuff too, but all he has to do is start talking about his life.  And like if a girl has had something bad happen to her, then there's that emotional connection and that's all women need for you to get in their pants.  They play it off, but the way I see it now, it's only a matter of time.  And once it happens, I usually do a pretty good job and then it's in.  It's settled, it's there.

Idiot 2: Dude, when I was going to school, and my first period class I went to there was this super hot chick.  And the first day of school I show up to class late as fuck, and I walk in and I got brand new black pants on and a nice looking shirt and shit.  And Dylan had just like cut my hair.  He had shaved my head except for this right here.

Idiot 1: Nice.

Idiot 2: Which was about that long so I looked like fucking, like, Tin-Tin or some shit, you know, and like I had just started working out again.  So I show up in like nice pants, good shirt, and like my fucking biceps are like bulging out of like the shirt and shit.  And I show up and I sit down like I don't give a fuck because I haven't been to school in 4 years, so I sit down like I don't give a shit, you know?  And then like so this girl sits next to me and we're kind of talking or whatever, you know, and the next class I got her number.  And then I decided to get my hair for work to be more professional and show up to school wearing this, dude, and she fucking stops talking to me.

Idiot 1: Sometimes you gotta pay the price!

Idiot 2:  Yeah dude, no seriously.  Like, I'm the same person dude.  I've gotten even buffer since then.

(maybe she didn't stop talking to you because of your haircut, though...)

Apartment.

I'M FINALLY MOVED INTO MY APARTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Laundry Debacle and How Purgatory Became Hell.

Since I've had nothing to do but sit around, I figured it's probably about time to do some laundry.  You know, clean the clothes that I've worn over the last couple of weeks, wash the sheets for my new bed when I move into my apartment this weekend.  Basically just get my act together, maybe.

The other day, when "the angel" came to my rescue, she showed me how to purchase a laundry card so that I could do my laundry.  I thought I had it all figured out.

I was wrong.

Now, I've been doing my laundry for about 10 years.  I'm a pro now.  But my college didn't make us pay for laundry.  It was great!  Free laundry.  I knew how to work the machines.  The machines here are actually the exact same as at school, except here they cost $1.25 to wash a load of clothes.  Alright.  And the dryers cost $1 to dry.  Fine.  I'm an adult now.  I can do this.

So I go to the laundry card dispensing machine and put $5 in for my card.  That'll cover 2 loads of laundry and I'll have some spare change left on the card.  Perfect.  I grab my clothes and sheets and head to the laundry room.

I throw my clothes in one washer and my sheets in the other.  I put the laundry card into the first machine and it says "Low Balance - $0."  What?????  I just put $5 on this card!!!  So I try again.  "Low Balance - $0."  The stupid laundry card dispensing machine ate my money!!!

I knock on "the angel's" door.  No answer, except for the yaps of what I can presume is her tiny and adorable dog.  I wander down to the building office.  There is a nice girl there.

Me, pointing to the machine: Hello, the machine ate my money.  It ate my $5.

Nice girl: Oh.  Um.

Me: I put my $5 in and the washing machine says I have no money on it.

Nice girl: Oh, you have to pay $5 for the card and then put money on it.

Me: Oh.  What.

Nice girl: Yeah, the card costs $5 and then you can put money on it for the laundry.

Me: Oh.  Thanks.

I go back to my room to retrieve another $5 bill, mutter "What a rip-off" under my breath, and head back to the laundry card dispensing machine with my $5 in hand.  I get the $5 balance on my card, finally, and go back to the laundry room.

I pay the machines and they start.  28 minutes later, my clothes and sheets are clean.  I think to myself, "Hey, I'll save some money and put both my clothes AND my sheets into one dryer.  Bargain!!!"  I put everything into one dryer and go back to my room for the 45 minutes that it will take to dry my things.

Yet when I get back, naturally, my things are not dry.  Because probably I had too many things in the dryer.  I think I can actually hear the dryer saying, "HAHAHA GOOD ONE LINDSAY."  I sneer at it.  For a moment we're at at standoff.  I separate my clothes and sheets and, thanks to the remaining $1.50 on the card, I start up the dryer with just the clothes in it.  I then retreat back to my room again to get another $1 to put on the laundry card for the dryer full of sheets.

But SURPRISE!!!  The money machine only takes bills higher than $5.  Does that shock anyone?  Nope?  Me neither.  So I go back to my room yet again to get my debit card.  I put my debit card into the credit card machine and SURPRISE!!! The lowest denomination of money you can put on a card with a credit card is $10.  Anyone shocked now?  Nope?  Alright cool we're still on the same page.

And that's how I spent $20 to do 2 freaking loads of laundry in this stupid place.

(Also, fun fact: I went to the television that "the angel" showed me and OF COURSE they don't have ABC Family.  You'd think that "the angel" would've mentioned this to me the other day when I said that I wanted to watch Pretty Little Liars on Tuesday night.  But nope.  So back to sitting in my room, alone, waiting for it to post at midnight tonight on Hulu.

Which, fun fact, I found that out last night: shows are posted at exactly midnight PST from that night.  I guess I can't complain too much.

Oh and, fun fact: I'm putting my pride away after "the angel" failed to mention that ABC Family isn't part of their cable program and I'm going to try to be friends with her.  She does have a dog, after all.)

Purgatory and the Angel.

I'm at this weird place in my life right now.  Like, literally.  Physically, I'm at a real weird place.  You see, we arrived in California last Friday, my mom and I.  Got an apartment for myself on Saturday.  Stayed in a hotel with my mom until Tuesday, when she left to go back to New Jersey.  But I don't actually get to move into my apartment until later this week.  Hence why I'm at a weird place.

It's what I'd like to call a kind of purgatory.

You see, I've been staying at a local college since Tuesday.  It's a nice place.  I have an entire suite to myself, so that's been fun.  The internet is free, and it's wireless.  So for the last three days, I've basically just sat in bed, watching the final season of Friday Night Lights, eating Oreos, and being a bum.  I don't start work until later this week.  So it's just this until Thursday.

Life's great, right?  Why am I complaining?

Because Purgatory.

Now, I've kept as busy as I could.  I had friends in town that I hung out with until Thursday.  I had errands to run on Friday and I went to a movie at night.  Even yesterday, now that I'm alone and have no friends out here, I was content with watching a few episodes of Weeds and, like, 8 episodes of FNL.  Content!  I was content!

But then, tonight, the Tony's were on.  "Why not?" I said.  "Neil Patrick Harris is hosting," I said.  "Let me hook up my television and... What the?" I said, as I looked around my room and discovered there is NO CABLE HOOKUP IN MY ROOM.  Alright, fine.  I won't watch the Tony's.  I won't watch GSN.  I won't watch anything but Netflix, and I still have a couple episodes of FNL left to watch.  I'll be alright.

But then, I thought to myself, what about... Tuesday?  Oh my god, what about Tuesday?  Tuesday!  WHAT AM I GOING TO DO TUESDAY?!

Guys, Tuesday is when Pretty Little Liars comes back.  And I don't have a cable hookup in my room.

So today I sat in bed, wallowing, crying, dying (not really) that I won't be able to watch PLL Tuesday night, my one night the entire summer I'll actually be able to watch it live because I am too poor to pay for cable once I move into my apartment.  Just one night of getting to live-see Caleb and Toby and Ezra and Ian and now Sean Faris is going to be on the show and I guess finding out who red coat is and I can't even do that.

UNTIL: An angel came and knocked on my door.  She called herself "The RA."  She told me she didn't even know anyone was staying in this building.  She asked me if I needed anything.  I questioned where I could watch television.  She took me down the pathway to the building next door and showed me the most glorious of things: a giant, flat screen TV.  That no one uses.  Because basically nobody is on campus in the summer.

All.  Mine.

This angel also showed me where to to my laundry.  Because I have a lot now.  And now I know where I can do it.

Maybe I'll even go out into the quad and join the shirtless boys playing bocce ball one day this week?  Or maybe I'll ask the guys who walked past my room bouncing a basketball, who stopped outside my door to announce that "Someone is here" before walking on, if I can bounce a basketball with them sometime this week??  Maybe I'll have a posse of college friends/minions by the time I leave here???

Maybe purgatory isn't such a bad place after all??????

So I Made It to California, Now Where's Seth Cohen?

All my life, I've been waiting to find Seth Cohen.  Well, alright, since 2003 I've been waiting to find Seth Cohen.  For those of you COMPLETELY OUT OF THE LOOP, Seth Cohen is the perfect human.  He's smart, witty, artistic, talented, sarcastic, and basically all-around amazing.

Seth Cohen is from The OC.

Now imagine me as a 12 year old girl, watching Seth Cohen sweep the beautiful (and utterly annoying) Summer Roberts off her feet in Newport Beach, California.  He even managed to get her, as popular as she was, despite:

• his attitude and sarcasm.
• his intelligence level.  Not because Summer Roberts is dumb (she's not) but because Seth Cohen knows he's smart and rubs your face in it.
• his lack of friends.
• his cooler-than-himself parents.
• his love of comic books.
• Captain Oats, his toy horse.

Like, come on, I'm as nerdy as it gets and this is my perfection.  I swooned.  America swooned.  We all swooned for Seth Cohen.

I bought a Seth Cohen poster.  Seth Cohen hung above my bed for several years.  I slept with Seth Cohen every night from the time I was about 13 until I was 16 and I thought I was cool and re-did my room to look like a French hotel room (actually I am cool, it's a very cool room).  I removed Seth Cohen from my wall, but I did not discard him.  No, he remained hidden in my room, safe and sound, for when I needed a little Seth Cohen in my life.

Now, 10 years later, imagine me as a 22 year old girl aka right now, having JUST MOVED TO THE OC IRL.  Sure, I'm a lot more realistic at this point.  I know Seth Cohen's not real.  But come on.  It's SETH COHEN, people.  The perfect human?  I would be lying if I said that my eyes didn't sweep through the crowds on Sunday as I strolled through Newport with my mom.

Seth Cohen, Seth Cohen, wherefore art thou Seth Cohen?  Is it his hair?  Maybe.  Is it his body?  Probably. Is it his nerdiness?  Definitely.

I'm on a quest to find Seth Cohen.  Wish me luck, friends.  I won't rest until I have Seth Cohen in my life again.

(This is the infamous Seth Cohen poster.  This poster is still somewhere in my bedroom in New Jersey.  Who knows, maybe this Seth Cohen will come back to the real OC with me, in my suitcase, at some point in the very near future.)

A Letter to Luke Bryan's Tour Driver

Dear Luke Bryan's tour driver,

This morning, while my mom and I were wandering the streets of Nashville, I accidentally walked directly into you.  I apologized and you said it was alright, but I feel bad.  So again, I am sorry.

You're probably tired, having to drive all over the country and set up for Luke Bryan's concerts every night.  You have a lot on your mind.  I'm sure your job is strenuous and it probably takes a toll on you.  You do not need blonde girls who aren't looking where they are going to plow into you like I did.  It was inconsiderate of me to walk into you.  I need to pay better attention to what I am doing.

I hope that you're enjoying your time in Nashville as much as I enjoyed the two hours I spent there this morning.  It was a pleasure running into you.

Sincerely,
Lindsay

P.S. Go the the Provence Cafe and get a Sherlock Holmes coffee and a salted caramel chocolate croissant.  Tell them Lindsay sent you.

P.P.S. They won't know who I am.

P.P.P.S. Please tell Luke Bryan that I am now a fan.  If he wasn't married, I would ask you to pass along my phone number.

In Case You Didn't Know, I'm Moving to California. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow, I am leaving everything I've ever known, picking up some of my earthly possessions, and moving 3000 miles away to sunny California. I've never been more west than, like, Lancaster, Pennsylvania? So though I know people who have been out there and there is much literature on the subject, here is what I assume California is going to be like:

1. People doing yoga in white linen pants on the beach
2. People doing pilates in white linen pants on the beach
3. People doing yogalates in white linen pants on the beach
4. Pinkberry
5. Bathing suits, everywhere, all the time
6. Lots of sand, everywhere, all the time
7. Kristen Cavallari yelling "STEPHEN!", everywhere, all the time
8. People playing instruments on every single beach pier
9. People roller skating on every single beach pier
10. In-N-Out
11. Avocados. Lots of avocados.
12. Traffic. Lots of traffic.
13. A really, really cool soundtrack to your life (thanks, The OC!)

The weather is going to be gorgeous, always. I'm going to be working at the happiest place on earth. I'll be living on my own so that means avocados for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and also I can walk around naked if I want. I'll probably get myself a cat (or two). What's not to love?

Maybe the fact that I'll be super far away from my family and friends?  Maybe that I will be totally, singularly on my own out there?  Maybe that I don't know where anything even is out there?  Or what the lifestyle is REALLY like?  Like, do I have to go to In-N-Out all the time?  Do I need to start doing pilates?  Are these two things contradictions of themselves? (yes, yes they are)

Needless to say, I'm very excited but also a little scared. But that's normal, right? To be scared of things you don't know, of change? And it's in times like these that, even if you're scared, you just have to do it.  Because if you try, you'll never fail. If you never try, you'll never do anything. And that's bogus. I'm not about to be sitting on my parents' couch when I'm 37, watching GSN and eating tortilla chips and salsa.  Unless that's acceptable, then someone please let me know.

This post is getting more sentimental than I had intended for the (what I hope is) humorous tone I take with this blog. But don't worry. I'm sure I'll have some crazy pants adventure time posts about my road trip soon. After all, crazy tends to follow me.

So tomorrow I leave for a 3000 mile road trip across the United States of America. With my mom.

Road trips are still rites of passage if they're taken with your mom, right? Right? RIGHT?

Write you soon from the west coast, y'all.

The (Small and Pitiful) List of Things I’ll Miss About College

So I graduated college last Friday.  A lot of people I know were sad to be finished with their four years of undergraduate schooling.  No more parties, no more BS (I mean, sorry, "gen ed") classes, no more dorm living, no more fake life.  “Wah I don’t want to leave.  I’m going to miss this so much!!!!!”

You kidding?  College sucked.  It was basically just high school on a larger scale; at least my college was.  And high school sucked.  I am not a school person, and I will not miss about 95% of it.  There are some things I will miss, though, and I’ve compiled a list of them here.

1) $5 Target mirror

I will miss you, $5 Target mirror.  I bought you on a whim at the beginning of my senior year in order to make sure that I looked alright before leaving my apartment.  You were slightly warped and always managed to make me look thinner than I am.  This flattered me.  This also allowed me to skip many a workout on lazy days because I looked great in you, $5 Target mirror, and why bother working out when I look great?  So here’s to you, $5 Target mirror, that I so carelessly threw out in an effort not to bring as much home with me as possible.  You will be missed.

2) Conveniently large bathroom

For some reason, the people who designed the apartments at my college thought to themselves “The bathrooms here should be REALLY HUGE!!!” and ran with that thought.  Therefore, the bathroom was conveniently large.  It was convenient for:

a) having social gatherings of 10-20 people within the confines of only the bathroom

b) having a dance party for yourself

c) Parkour

d) blasting music while you were showering which echoed nicely off of the entirely tiled surfaces within the bathroom

Seriously, why is there so much free space?  Anyway, I enjoyed my time spent in you, conveniently large bathroom, and now any normal size bathroom will pale in comparison because they’re merely not large for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

(Alternatively, the conveniently large bathroom came with an inconveniently small shower in which it was impossible to shave one’s legs.  BUT I DIGRESS.)

3) Absurd amount of closets

I’m tempted to say that the people who designed our apartments at school just loved an abundance of things.  An abundance of space, to be exact, as seen in both #2 and also the absurd amount of closets that we were given.  Not only was there a front entry way closet, there were two fairly decent-sized closets in the hallway that led to our bedrooms, as well as a large back closet that could fit a bed in it.  Not even kidding.  A regular, twin-sized mattress could fit easily in the back closet.  As a matter of fact, the majority of our closets went unused.  Being deprived of closet space growing up and soon to be moving into a most-likely tiny apartment, I regret not having fully embraced the closet space that was so generously bequeathed upon me.  So goodbye, absurd amount of closets.  I never took the time to know you the way that I should have.

4) The prime parking spot

You were the closest parking spot to the apartment buildings on campus and, though you were rarely free, when you were open it was triumphant.  You made me feel invincible when I cruised down the aisles and saw you sitting there, wide open and waiting for me to park my car in you.  And when I was the proud owner of you for those times that were very few and far between, I felt successful.  I felt as though my life had meaning.  I felt powerful.  Until, of course, I had to go to the grocery store and then was left without you*.  Thank you for the memories, prime parking spot.  You know how extraordinary you are to come across.

*Often after leaving for the grocery store, you are forced to park in the really bad parking spot in the very far away parking lot, which you were almost always guaranteed to have to park in on a rainy/snowy/precipitationy day when you have 11 bags of groceries and no friends that are willing to help you carry them.  Stupid really bad parking spot.

5) Extremely quick-heating stove top burner

The front right burner on my stove was a real hot-head, in the best way possible.  When placed on the lit burner, a pot of water would boil in practically 60 seconds.  Maybe even less time.  I could literally watch a pot of water boil in front of my very eyes, basically while watching pigs fly and fat ladies sing.  Every other burner I’ve ever come across in my life has taken minutes, hours, DAYS to boil the water that I just want to cook some simple penne pasta in.  I’ve nearly starved waiting for pots of water to boil.  But not with you, extremely quick-heating stove top burner.  You’ve made all of my cooking dreams come true.  You were so good to me that I chose to ignore that the burner directly behind you never once worked.  Even the time I tried to heat some sauce up and didn’t know why it refused to get hot.  Your tenacity and dedication to get as hot as possible as fast as possible, extremely quick-heating stove top burner, was just the thing to get me through.  I’m sure I’ll never meet another burner quite like you again in my lifetime.

6) Close proximity to literally anywhere you want to eat at all times ever

My college is located right next to a highway that is atrocious to drive on but is lined with basically every restaurant you could ever want to eat at ever (and some you’d probably never actually want to go to but definitely go to anyway because you’re a poor college student and that’s what those places are for, right?  I’ll let you determine those places off of the following sub-list of this master list).  There’s diners, Panera, McDonalds, Wendy’s, Boston Market, IHOP, Chipotle, Japanese places, Chinese places, Thai places, Italian places, Moes, Starbucks, frozen yogurt places, ice cream places, Pizza Hut, Dunkin Donuts, and obviously bagel places galore.  Everywhere you could ever want to eat was basically within a 10 minute round-trip drive.  Now, I'm not sure that I'll ever be in close proximity to literally anywhere I want to eat at all times anymore.  With such a variety of options on the local highway, and such terrible food in the cafeteria, I guess it's only fair they placed my college on said local highway.  Cheers to the close proximity to all of those great(/terrible/gross/awesome) food places.  I'll miss you when I have to cook my own food probably all the time forever when I'm on my own.

7) Groundhog friends

You were always there, sitting outside the full-length windows right by my kitchen table, eating grass and scurrying around on your little groundhog legs.  You were plump and adorable and I will miss watching you scurry while I eat my breakfast.  I’ll always remember the time I got a picture with one of you, little groundhogs.  I’ll see you again someday, friends.

For real, though, I guess I’ll miss my friends and a handful of professors.  You guys are pretty cool.  And I guess I'll miss sitting around pretending to do things when I'm actually just watching GSN and eating tortilla chips and salsa, even though I'll probably continue this into adulthood.  But I’m real glad I graduated, and this list probably reinforces that.  Bye 4ever college.

Hives.

Two near death experiences in one week.  I don't know if I can take it anymore.

I have hives.

Last night, I was sitting on the recliner in my living room.  I had my left leg underneath me.  And I was wearing red pants that have a little side zipper on the bottom part of the leg near the opening for your foot.  So a little bit before 9 pm, that area on my leg started bothering me.  I assumed it was because I was sitting on the zipper and it was digging into my skin.  I asked my father to politely pause So You Think You Can Dance so I could go put on sweatpants.

When I took off my pants and put on my sweatpants, that area of my leg started itching.  So I lifted my sweatpants leg and saw what looked like 7-10 bug bites.  Naturally I assumed there was either a) a bug in my pants or b) a bug in the blankets on the recliner I was sitting on.  So I threw the blankets on the ground and put the pants in a plastic bag quarantine.

I panicked.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?????  Meanwhile, my dad is sitting in his recliner laughing at me because all I can say over and over again is “I’M DYING.  I’M DYING.  THAT’S IT, I’M DYING.”

(If I don’t say this part of the story, he’ll never forgive me, so here goes:)  He correctly diagnosed me with having hives.  But I didn’t believe him.  I’M DYING, RIGHT???  So I sit in my recliner, dying, until my mom gets home from dinner with her friend.  The conversation went as follows:

(Mom walks in door)

Mom: Hello family!

Me: I’m dying.

Mom: What?

(still in recliner, dying) Me: I’m dying.

Dad: (laughing)

Mom: What’s wrong?

Me: Something bit me and now I’m dying.

(Mom comes over and looks at my leg)

Mom: That’s weird.

Me: It’s death.

Mom: You’re not dying.  It looks like bug bites.

Me: They’re very itchy.

Mom: Here’s a Benadryl.

Dad: What’s going to happen when you move to California and something like this happens and we’re 3000 miles away?

Me: I’m going to call you and say “I’m dying.”

So then I continue sitting in the chair for a while.  We watch some television.  Then I go upstairs and see that the “bites” began to spread.  All over the calf and shin of my left leg.  I panic again and run downstairs.

Me: THERE’S MORE I’M DYING.

Mom: Oh wow that’s a lot.  Maybe it’s hives.

Dad: I already said that.

Me: IT’S NOT HIVES IT’S DEATH.

Mom: Do you want to go to the hospital?

Me: YES.

Mom: Really?

Me: YES.

Mom: Well, let me just Google “hives.”

(Mom Googles “hives”)

Mom, reading: “Hives can form all over the body, including the arms, lips, tongue, face, and neck."

Me: IT DIDN’T SAY LEGS.

Mom: No, it said INCLUDING.

Me: BUT IT DIDN’T SAY LEGS. IT SAID ARMS. THEY’RE ON MY LEGS.

Dad: (laughing)

Mom: Lindsay, they’re hives I promise.  They’ll be gone tomorrow.  Do you still want to go the hospital?

Me, whimpering: Maybe not…

Mom: Here’s another Benadryl.

Me: They’re still itchy.

Mom: Let’s wrap your leg in this ice pack thing and then go to bed.

So my leg got wrapped in this giant ice pack thing and then I went to bed.

But when I woke up today, THERE WERE MORE.  ON BOTH LEGS.  AND MY ARMS.  EVERYWHERE, GUYS.  EVERYWHERE.

I went downstairs to tell my dad.

Me: There’s more.

Dad: Oh wow.  Call Mom.

(I call Mom; her coworker answers)

Coworker: Hello, Mom’s job.

Me: Hi is Mom there? It’s Lindsay.

Coworker: Hi Lindsay, she went next door.  Try her cell phone?

Me: Ok.

(I try Mom’s cell phone; it’s ringing)

Dad: What happened?

Me: Mom’s not there.

(Mom doesn’t answer her cell phone, as usual)

Me: She didn’t answer.

Dad: Ok.

(I try calling her again)

Me: Still no answer.

(I call back her coworker)

Coworker: She didn’t answer?

Me: Nope.

Coworker: I will get someone to find her.  How are you feeling?

Me: She told you about the hives?

Coworker: Yes how are they?

Me: EVERYWHERE.

Coworker: I’ll get your mom.

We hang up.  I sit patiently waiting (wander around the house trying to find my cat to console me) until she calls back.

Mom: Call the doctor.

Me: Ok.

Mom: Do you want me to call?

Me: I don’t know.

Mom: Put Dad on the phone.

(I give Dad the phone)

Dad: (grumbles on the phone, hangs up)

Me: Well?

Dad: I’m going to call the doctor.

He calls the doctor, and I have an appointment today at 1:30 pm.  I go upstairs to weep silently in my bedroom.

My mom comes home from work, which is conveniently 4 ½ minutes from my house.  She comes upstairs to my room.

(Mom knocks on my door)

Me: Don’t come in.

Mom: Why?

Me: My legs are ugly.

(she comes in anyway)

Mom: The doctor will fix this.  She will give you medicine and they will go away.

Me: Ok.

Mom: Maybe the Benadryl was old.

Me: (gives her a look)

Mom: I’m going to eat lunch, do you want something?

Me: I’m afraid to eat.

Mom: Don’t be afraid to eat.

She goes to eat lunch and I sit in my darkened bedroom, alone, contemplating whether I would rather peel off all of my skin from the bones or throw acid on my legs to get them to stop itching.  After lunch she comes back upstairs.

(Mom knocks again)

Me: DON’T COME IN.

Mom: Why?

Me: I’M UGLY.

Mom, coming in: You’re not ugly.  They will go away.

Me: They better.

Mom: I’m going back to work.

Me: Ok.

Mom: Bye.

Mom goes back to work.  I am still in my darkened bedroom, alone, awaiting my 1:30 pm death call.  I hope to see you all on the other side.

Also, here is a picture of my legs' current state so you can fully grasp how much death I am facing. 

 Warning, it is a lot of death.

Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?