It probably doesn’t sound that traumatizing or even mildly
realistic, but it happened. Okay, well,
I guess more like I lost my parents in Wal Mart last week. Which should probably now sound even LESS
traumatizing, considering I am nearly 21 years old.
No.
I was walking towards the shampoo aisle with them right
behind me, and then when I turned around to double check that they were in
close proximity, they were gone. Okay, I
thought. I’ll just get the hair products
that I need, go back, and catch up with them.
So I wander into the beauty products, pick up my items, and head towards
the grocery section.
And they were nowhere to be found.
Now, normally, I would not panic. But this is not an average day in Wal
Mart. First of all, it is two days after
Christmas. So Wal Mart has more people
than usual. Second, they are always
redoing my Wal Mart. And it is big. So when I’m home and I go in there, I never
know where anything is. I never even
know where I am. Sometimes, I forget my own name. Third, you don’t know
where I live. People in my town live for
Wal Mart. They DIE for Wal Mart. They would KILL for Wal Mart. If there’s a deal, they gotta have it, and
they gotta have it NOW. Lastly, it is
Wal Mart. That should say enough.
So I am perusing the food aisles looking for them, as they
had mentioned that they needed to pick up some things for dinner, but they are not
there. I meander into the women’s
clothes section. Why they would be
there, especially my father, I do not know.
But I am in a state of panic and so I am going through the motions without
thinking. No parents. I then head into electronics. Still no parents.
At this point, I start tweeting. I try to keep my cool, managing to type out
on the tiny keys of my BlackBerry, “I've lost my
parents in the abyss called walmart. Wandering aimlessly in electronics.” But my wandering was not aimless. It was not even wandering. It was quick-paced, brisk walking, bordering
on a light jog.
Keep in mind my arms are full
of beauty products and now also a bag of tortilla chips that I somehow acquired along the way. And I still somehow
managed to tweet while in my current mental state. I am actually impressed with all of this as I
write this now.
Anyway, I leave electronics
and start walking through home décor.
Still no sign of Parents. I look
down the toy aisles, because naturally that is where Parents would be. False, I am in a state of panic and my senses are skewed.
My pace increases, and
suddenly I am faced with an entire section of Christmas clearance items. My heart rate drops, my breathing pattern
slows to regular, and panic is gone. Why
I did not think of the Christmas clearance section in the first place is beyond
me. This is my parents we are talking
about.
The first aisle I turn down,
there are Parents. With Christmas
clearance stacks in their baskets. Yes,
baskets. They have two.
Tweet: “Update: found them in
christmas clearance. I am not surprised.”
Now that I am safely assured
of where Parents are, I continue my shopping.
I even casually slip through the aisles, now able to relax and find
things I do not need but have my parents buy for me anyway. Life is great!
Finally, my parents are
content with their clearance items. They
have made their way to grocery items and are deciding on dinner. I decide to stay near the registers,
awaiting our pending departure. And that
is when I spot these:
I look at them. I pick them up. I read their box. I picture myself wearing them. I seriously contemplate purchasing them for a
minute.
And that is the moment I
realize we need to leave Wal Mart immediately.
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